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Spoonies

I pushed myself 2 weeks ago.  Not the kind of push to build more muscle, or the push to get through a hard circumstance.  It's not the kind of determined push to make your life better; you know, the kind where you need to just stop being lazy and do it.  My body was tired - not the normal tired when you're up too late.  This is all consuming in every way.  It's physical, it's mental, it's emotional, it's jarring.  The kind of tired where you can hardly think, you're body feels like you have the flu and getting up to use the restroom or eat is hard.  The kind of tired where your body tenses up for no reason and bumps into a constant mini anxiety attack for the entire day.  Where you look down at your hands and notice for the past several hours you've lied there on the couch with your hands in fists because for some reason or another that's the assumed anxious position for my hands.  




Air hunger is on and off today - has been for days.  It's simila…

Redesign

Good morning!  This has been a crazy year for me.  I have been finally diagnosed correctly with Lyme Disease - having had it at least 25 years.  This is also my first year since my daughter has been born that I don't have kids home during the day.  That's a total of 19 years people!  So while things during the day are vastly different compared to what I'm used to, I'm able to really focus on what I'm doing as well as my Lyme Disease recovery.  One of the many things I really enjoyed doing several years ago was learning and blogging.  I have from a very young age held the belief that if I am able to help another person from what I'm going through, I'll do it.  So here we are.  I plan to revamp this blog and start blogging more often again.  Your support and prayers over the years over the various trials in my life has been amazing and I thank you so much.

See you again soon.

Flying with Anxiety, Motion Sickness and a Fear of Heights

Yep, that's me!  Sounds like fun right?  It's all good.  When I was on the plane I was thinking I had to do this post for people like me.  Here it is.  
The only way I could see my daughter who moved several states away was by getting on a plane to see her. Something I never really wanted to do because of my anxiety, fear of heights,  and motion sickness issues.  But when your child is so far away, a mama will do just about anything.  So that’s what I did.  My husband was kind enough to get us tickets to go visit her.  In all honesty I do not like flying; I would do it again in a heartbeat to see my kiddo (and possible travel more).  Below are a few tips that may be helpful for you.  Some ideas I got from friends, others I learned along the way.  You can find other great tips online on what to take with you and such but these are specific to anxiety and motion sickness while flying and what helped me personally.
Small Purse - After getting through security switch a few things…

Lyme Diagnosis -- The pieces are finally coming together!

Lyme Diagnosis When I received the call a few weeks agowith the positive results for Lyme disease I was giddy for the first 15 minutes.  I have been "sick" for so long and it was finally a "real" answer   Growing up I was sick A LOT!  It got to the point where at times we'd just call the doctor and ask for an antibiotic.  I don't remember a time I had a lot of energy; tiring out way before my siblings or friends.  Below are some of the diagnosis I got over the years.  A lot of people will say they were misdiagnosed for years.  Yes I do have these health issues, but it all points back to Lyme.  It’s so frustrating because I look fine.  When I say I’m tired, many of the below symptoms are going on.  It’s not just needing a nap; it’s severe.  It is estimated I've had Lyme for at least 25 years.

Symptoms/Diagnosis
multiple throat infections as a child per year. fatigue a lot from childhood through adulthood. severe knee pain from about age 12 till adulthood unti…

Heart Health Awareness

This is my second year having my cholesterol checked.   The only reason I have an annual physical now is because my husband's insurance requires it in order to get our hsa deposit.  And boy am I thankful for it!  It has been found out because of genetics, I have terrible cholesterol.  In fact, the worst ratio my certified nurse practitioner has ever seen (and she's been practicing a LONG time!).  Anyone who personally knows me along with myself was totally shocked.  My diet isn't perfect, but it's incredibly good!  I was told the reason is because I hit all the hereditary markers.  I was told last year to add in more vegetables and fish/fish oil.  This year we rechecked and while a couple numbers were down a bit, the worst was up - my ldl-p.  Those are the small, sticky particles that stick to your arterial wall causing build up.  Furthermore, the good cholesterol (HDL) was the lowest they have ever seen.  In fact it was so low they rechecked.  This year it was up 2 p…

A Loss is a Loss, No Matter How Small

Within the first year of marriage, my husband and I conceived our first child.  We were so incredibly excited!  I already had a 4 year old daughter; this was our first child together.  I had no trouble conceiving and keeping my daughter and didn't in my wildest dreams think I'd be one of "those" people who lost babies.  I remember at about week 8 into my first pregnancy with Matt,  feeling all my pregnancy symptoms go away.  Then the thing a pregnant woman fears most; the sight of blood.   It was just spotting at first, but as time went on, it got heavier.  I called and talked to midwives and other mom's who had been there before me.  I went to the Emergency Room but there was nothing they could do.  I knew deep down in my heart this baby wasn't meant for this earth.  I remember the day my miscarriage was complete.  I felt a lot of pressure, went and sat on the toilet and delivered my baby.  I remember hearing screams and wailing; then realizing it was the s…