Why am I writing this now? Because over the last several years I've seeing a huge difference in the way people treat mothers of children who are lost in the later stages of pregnancy vs women like me who lose them early. I realize it's a different loss; but loss is loss just the same, no matter how small. Women who lose babies early like I did don't get meals delivered, they don't have someone keeping in touch with them making sure they are ok. There is no funeral for our babies; they get flushed down the toilet. Let's just stop here for a moment. Flushed down the toilet. This is so heart wrenching! That alone made me almost lose my sanity. No one takes care of mama during this time, she's left to fend for herself taking care of the rest of her household whilst still bleeding and recovering like you would after a full term delivery. Her milk still comes in and she's left to grieve the baby she will never feed. She's left wondering what she did wrong; could it be something that could have been prevented? Why is this happening to me? There are no cards coming in the mail for support, no flowers to offer some kind of beauty amidst the dark days ahead. Just the woman alone with her thoughts; dark as they might be. To most people around us, it's like our babies never existed in the first place.
Please, if you know someone who has lost a baby at any stage, realize they are grieving too. I had statements from those I was close to such as, "you can always try again", or "be happy for the children you have", "at least you weren't far along", and one of the worst, "well, i'm sure it's part of God's plan." Please, offer them support, offer to take care of any children they may already have, set up a meal train, send cards of encouragement (or texts). We grieve too. We feel loss just like anyone else. Please don't forget us.