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Friday, March 23, 2012

Changes on the Horizon?

I first want to apologize for not blogging in quite awhile. Life has gotten crazy and I had to take time for my family.  In the midst of all this crazy, I have even more so found out that God's ways are not my own.  Funny eigh?

For years Matthew and I wanted babies, babies, babies.  With 3 living children and 4 (maybe 5) miscarriages, then moving into adrenal problems we decided we were done.  Did you notice I said "we"?  Funny that.

Just a couple weeks ago (has it been that long already), my children left with my mother-in-law to go be with her for a whole week so my body could have a chance to rest.  At least that was MY plan.

You seeing where this is going?

The very first whole day the kids were gone, I went to the store to pick up a pregnancy test.  Not to see if I was pregnant but to confirm that the reason I was late was because I had been stressed.  This in my mind was to confirm I was indeed not pregnant so I could move on with my week and my body would stop stressing.

I arrived home from the small package I had picked up from Dollar Tree, went into the bathroom and....


My first reaction was "no, God no!  This is not supposed to happen!" through sobs and sobs.  I even had to email my husband and have him call me because I was so shaken up.  I had a mini adrenal crash that night from stressing myself out.  All the questions...

Will I die this time?
This was my year to get better, why?
Matthew and I won't be able to go on our 10th anniversary trip will we?
Will I be able to take care of my family?
I got rid of all my baby/maternity stuff, now what?

And so on the list went, telling God all the reasons why this wasn't a good idea, why this shouldn't have happened and how my health could not handle it.  I was home all alone for the next week.  Alone with my thoughts, alone with no hugs or kisses all week long.  It was agony and at the same time, things were still.  Is that possible?

A bit after I realized I was pregnant and after telling a few family members and close friends, I started realizing this was God's plan and who am I to argue.  It was in my head and working it's way into my heart.  I cannot tell you how encouraging everyone has been through this time.  I expected most everyone to say "oh no!"because of the health problems I have and knowing I didn't want anymore children because of it.  I'm so blessed!

So the details.  Well first of all I'm not like most people I know and wait till I'm out of my first trimester to tell anyone.  I've had several losses and would like prayer asap.  So...with that said, I'm 6 weeks today and my due date is November 15th.  I go to see my midwife at 10 weeks and hopefully we'll hear the heartbeat then :)  As far as my health, things have definitely been harder and my fatigue is more severe than normal.   I'm going to have to rest even more and cut out most travel till after the baby is born to keep him/her safe.  Don't take offense to that if I don't get together with you during this year.  It's for my and my babies safety.  I've had to wipe my calendar almost completely clean of planned events.  As far as morning sickness...oh yes, it's making it's debut slowly over these past 4 weeks.  If it goes for me like it normally does, next week will be very difficult.

I'll be posting updates in the future briefly about this pregnancy.  However, I'll have most of my pg posts on this blog for people who specifically have adrenal fatigue issues and are pregnant.  There's not much info out there about it so I figure if I can help someone, that'd be great!

So that's it for now.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

:-)

I know I love this baby already.
A friend reminded me, recently, that when we are pregnant and discouraged about anything, we must take it to the Lord in trust and faith. We must not give into the discouragment and fears we have because those are from the Enemy of Souls.

I am trusting that this, indeed, IS your year to get better and that the Lord will sustain you and your little one. I also trust that you will have the best birth experience you've ever had.

There's my plug. Call me crazy, if you want. I will believe.

Love you!
Beth