I want to first profusely apologize for not blogging in such a long time. Two of my biggest fears came to pass within the past 6 months and it's been all I can do at times to stay afloat. Details....not now. When there is victory I would love to post the story but for now things are still raw, hard and painful. There are days I'll be honest I'm barely holding on. It is by God's grace alone and prayers of the faithful that keep me sustained. Just tonight entrenched in yet another bath of tears I was talking to God about how I just can't do this anymore. How this is taking a bigger tole on me than I could ever have dreamed. How my heart aches every single day but some days it literally feels like it's going to explode through my chest. The pain sometimes seems unbearable. As I'm telling this to God, a song ran through my head.
"In Christ alone
my hope is found.
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all in all, here in the love of Christ, I'll stand"
I went through this amazing devotional that I just finished last week. I'm very sad to be done with it. It's called Finding God's Path Through Your Trials. The thing I keep picturing in my mind is where they said we can choose to go through our trials or turn back and try to run away from them. But in these trials, should we choose to face them and push through them, the refining process at the end of the trial will be so amazing. We will be more able to be used for God's glory because of what we gain from the trial itself. The picture it used was a stream that we can choose to cross so we can get to the other side. The only way to get to our destination is through the stream (our trial). But we can choose to waste time trying to go around it or turn back. Great, great devotional. I won't say anymore in case you all want to read it.
So why the post? Well, I realized today how much I've missed blogging and how it was something I really enjoyed in the past. Things right now may not be all rosy but God has put many wonderful things in my life despite the things and heartache we're dealing with right now. Your prayers are most definitely coveted.
Quick family update :)
The first crazy update is we are no longer going to be homeschooling this coming fall. Our daughter is already in a private school and has been for a couple months now. She's loving it and thriving. Again, something I'd rather not delve into as to why. It's not at all what I had planned for our family. But this is where life is leading us for now.
Allysha is 13 (14 in June), Jon just turned 7, Joshua is 3 1/2 and baby Daniel is 5 1/2 months old. They are each such a joy and little lights in my life. Allysha is now taller than her daddy which is just plain crazy. In fact she has been for quite some time. We are currently redoing her bedroom. Pictures to come soon!
The boys...well they are all just busy as ever. We finished up our last year of homeschooling with Jon last week. It's crazy! He has turned into quite the crazy soccer champ. For now, he wants to move onto something else, and that is totally fine with me. I love that he wants to learn all kinds of new skills. He is so loving and caring. Definitely strong willed like I've never seen (believe it or not lol) but I know God has a great plan for his life.
Joshua is such a tiny little guy but he's convinced he's a very big boy. He taunts Jon a lot which is hilarious because Jon is so much bigger and stronger but that doesn't stop Josh one bit. He is quite feisty but yet definitely a little lover boy. I love how my boys love their mama!
Daniel - aka Danny or Dan the Man is such a sweetie boy! He's such a mild tempered baby. You will see before he was born that I was afraid of the pregnancy. Wow, God sure used this little guy to bring joy into this desert of my life. He has put a smile on my face many times when I didn't think I could have one. He has been the driving force in making sure I take care of myself so I can properly feed him. He smiles SO much! Gosh I love that little guy. Speaking of...I have to cut this short because he's crying and needing to eat.
Thank you for all your prayers and support. Pictures of the family to come soon.