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Thursday, October 23, 2008

Free to be me...

I just got out my flute today and found online sheet music - one being Think of Me which is from Phantom of the opera. This is a huge deal for me. Below you'll find the letter I wrote to my husband last night. This isn't so much for me but to encourage all you out there who may have lost part of yourself on the way to motherhood - get it back Just in case you're wondering, he said it makes total sense and is supportive. Here's to 'making me sing' again and hoping that I can help someone else as well.

Letter to Matt:
After reading an article about an autistic boy and the hardship on a woman's family I started thinking about other things. Like how i'm not much different than Lyshie when it comes to the 'arts'. While we don't have the same talents, we're both intertwined in that area. I forgot how deep my emotions ran as a child - much like hers do - to a point where it was not 'normal' at times . Things that I deeply loved and spent scads of time on are now put into a drawer that i have not dared to open - not till now. It feels like when i let those things go, i lost a piece of myself. The two main things i'm talking about is music - playing the flute and other instruments and writing. I had time to think, time to play and time to write - all in quiet without anything being demanded of me - just free to be. I do not at all regret the kids and I can't wait to have another one - but I do need some time alone to think and just 'be'. I think that's why i have so many websites - for me it's showing that I actually am getting something done and doing some things I like to do - but none of them make me 'sing'. Does any of this make any sense at all?

3 comments:

Sandi said...

Yes it makes sense dear daughter. I don't know what I would do without my "me" time. Go and play that flute as you do so well and make your heart sing!!!!
Love you!

Amanda Kaake said...

:) Love you mommy:)

Maria said...

I too am right there with you. At times i used to love baking and cooking extravagant meals. Now with time constraints and having to clean EVERYTHING, it's just not a joy anymore. I pray that your flute time becomes a blessing since you were once (as I recall) so good at it.